Dear Mom

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Ode to my Mother

To my beautiful mother, 

Who has seen much pain and sorrow. 

I know of of no other

Who fought hard to see another tomorrow. 

To my beautiful mother, 

Who taught herself to walk again

And soon altogether

She learned how to smile again. 

To my beautiful mother, 

Who raised me so well. 

I would be nothing without her, 

I hope to be at least half of her.

I wrote this my senior year of high school in AP English, and these words still stand strong. How many times did I say while growing up I could not wait until I had my own apartment and was living in a brand, new, optimistic city? So many. Sometimes I wish I could return to my young, innocent self and tell her, “slow down”. I want to tell her to enjoy and be excited to run home into your motherly arms once she gets off the big, yellow bus she really wanted to ride back home from school. I wish I could show her the countless things that you did to put my sister and I first, the countless dreams you put behind yourself for us. I wish I could take back all of the screaming fights, the meaningless things we would end up saying (our Spanish sides coming out, I swear you are the only one who can get me like that) and the slamming doors, the many times I tried pushing you away.

I wish you could understand how proud I am to call you my mom.

It seems like one second, we are that five year old innocent, wide eyed girls and the next second we are our 19 year old confused and scared selves in a new city wondering if we are doing the right thing. Somehow, you always know what to say and what to do. I can call you laughing, crying, content, confused, depressed and you know what to do. I don’t know how I got so lucky to land in your arms. Through everything that I have put you through as a daughter (let us be real, I have not been easy), you still somehow love me and I do not know how you do it. You have been the only person to see me at my best and at my absolute worst. Through my mascara stained cheeks, you have kissed them and told me to pick myself back up. You have told me to cry it out because I am human but to get back up because I am stronger than that and you raised me better. When I was at my absolute best, you made me work harder because even though I was at a high, there was always something to improve.

Coffee reminds me of you and our 4 hour conversations about life. I’ll be sitting at a little cafe and think, “right now, I wish my mom was here with me, to judge this coffee and people watch”. You were always so good with my friends. I remember us laughing about things such as *pssssh* sex at the dinner table. I remember my friends saying things like, “I would never say this to my mom…” You were always so realistic about growing up. You wanted me to tell you things about alcohol and sex instead of hiding it in case I was put in a situation where I needed help. I cannot thank you enough for that… because in many situations, it honestly has been a life saver, just by being able to ask questions and talk about it.

You made me understand what it is being a woman. You have made me think for myself and helped me realized I want to put my dreams first before I think twice about settling down for and with someone.

I miss you so much. I am not homesick… but I miss you.

I am so lucky to still have you with me. As you so well stated, “it doesn’t matter how fast or far I run, you will always, somehow seem to catch me”.

Te quiero,

Veronica

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4 thoughts on “Dear Mom

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