I have not done one of these posts in a really long time, and I feel like a reflection piece is needed. I know that for the whole month of March I was absent. I feel like I was absent from my family, distant in more ways than just miles. I feel like writing became a job for the month, and less so how I always feel about it, enjoyment and creativity.
If we were having coffee, I would probably tell you that I blame it on the month of March, my least favorite month since 2007. It always feels that during this month, my life explodes. Too many emotions get rewound up from the past and irony always loves to play its game. This past March I spent missing a lot of people.
My sister and I have had a bumpy road. We have always been competitive in everything and she always seemed to beat me at whatever we decided to compete in… school, swimming, piano… etc. But she was always my sister, and I could go to her for advice about how to confront our parents about grades, boys, troubles, work and so forth. I knew she would have my back and give me the best advice regarding our parents. For a long while, she and I were the only friends we had in each others lives.
Silvia has scoliosis.
Scoliosis is a curvature of the spine. She had her first operation a few years ago, around my sophomore year of high school. A few months ago, she started complaining about backache and when she went to the doctor, they broke the news to her that they were going to have to operate on her again because some screws had become loose. She had her second operation a few weeks ago and this week, she was admitted to the hospital again. She has had to have her second surgery due to an infection and she is scheduled for another one at the end of this week.
Silvia is missing high school because of these surgeries. She will have to sit out on her senior year and take classes online. She is missing prom, which one her friends was going to take her to this year. In the past two months my sister has gone through so much more than I can ever imagine, and she has been strong and as positive as she can be. When I talk to her on the phone, she tells me about how she can’t wait to come to Paris and see what I have learned and use the little she knows of French. I can hear she is exhausted, and I want to take her into my arms and support her. It has been the hardest thing for me to do, to hear her voice and not be able to look her in the eyes and tell her everything is going to be okay.
I am the oldest sister and I should be there for her, right now. As the oldest sister, I have always been told, “you don’t know how much your little sister looks up to you”. What no one knew is how much I look up to her. When I grow up, I want to be just like her.
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