#WhenIWas: Growing Up as a Girl 

My W post today is a hashtag that has taken Twitter by storm these past few days.

When I moved to Paris, I realized my femininity. I was in the big city and I wanted to dress well, forgetting the small town norms of jeans and a t-shirt and feeling self-conscious when wearing red-lipstick, I went all out in heels and dresses that made me feel beautiful. I wore pumps for the first time, bought myself a sexy romper for girl’s night (first time I ever truly dressed sexy and a little provocative) and you can now see me always sporting the lipstick, what my friends now call V’s trademark. I always highly believed that my self-conscious of being slightly revealing was due to my body image. This weekend while reading #WhenIWas tweets, I had a sudden flashback to 5th grade. 

Now, it was not exactly a tank top. I said tank top because I didn’t have enough space to actually recount the story. It was a blouse from Aeropostale (oh the days) that had a bohemian vibe to it. Slightly like this:


My boobs were starting to be there, I had passed the stage of training bras and actually had to start wearing small real ones. After reading a story to the class during “carpet time” (where we would all sit criss-cross applesauce and surround the teacher), she had to pull me aside after I leaned forward to look at a picture.

“Veronica, you’re not allowed to wear that shirt to school… I can see your boobs and it’s going to distract the boys.” 

I remember feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed and not wanting to tell my friends what she had told me. I was suddenly ashamed of my body. The thing is, I remember being so excited to wear that shirt. It was new and we had bought it on a mother-daughter day out. I don’t remember ever putting that shirt on again. I dressed conservatively afterwards going to school, putting tank tops under shirts and leggings under skirts that I wasn’t sure about so I wouldn’t be called out on it again.

https://twitter.com/daddotmom/status/722695082474893313

This is what #WhenIWas is all about. These stories range from age and it still goes on. Women are at fault, and men aren’t for their awkward, uncomfortable remarks to their actions. We have been engrained to think this since we were little. “Our body isn’t ours, you should save it for the one you’ll marry.” “When women have sex for the first time, they fall absolutely, madly, crazy in love with their first partner.” We don’t tell boys this, we just tell women they aren’t allowed to be sexual beings and that they should hold out for love. Lastly, and something all women will be told, “You were asking for it.”

That wasn’t all they said. They also called me a pute and connasse (bitch and whore) for not reacting to their remarks.

I wasn’t being a bitch nor a whore. I have the right to dress the way I want and to say no. It also hasn’t been a one time thing.

When will we start to teach men that women’s bodies are theirs? I have never seen a woman cat call a man when he’s been around shirtless (have we looked? Yes, but mostly respectfully. Does that mean that there aren’t women who do? No.)

I remember talking to my mom on the phone weeks after I arrived and saying, “I feel like I can finally dress the way I want here. It’s the city of fashion, and I can experiment without being looked at weird like I was back home.” I don’t dress for men, I dress for me. I like the process of getting dressed and listening to music. I like my prep time, because it gives me time to myself and make me feel good.

I was told the same thing. This tweet, to me, is one of the strongest out of the #WhenIWas. Women have to lie to get help from a situation that shouldn’t even happen in the first place.

Veronica

4 thoughts on “#WhenIWas: Growing Up as a Girl 

  1. Wow such a strong post. I grew up in Germany, the US and France. I lived in the US when I was 12 to 15 years old and it did not make that difficult age (regarding body image and confidence in it) easier. It took me very long time to be completely at ease with it.

  2. It’s so sad this is still going on in so many places. As a frequent reader of gender-critical blogs, I’m also painfully aware of the extreme, self-hating lengths this anti-woman, anti-female body culture is driving many young girls and women to these days. Perhaps someday we’ll finally live in a world where women no longer have to be socialized to be afraid of walking alone in the dark or dressing a certain way, since men in turn won’t be socialized to see women as sex objects who exist solely for male gratification and objectification.

    1. That will be the day. Hopefully it can taught in generations to come, but sometimes I find that when these issues are brought up to men, they ignore it and ask, “haven’t you guys already won enough?” As if asking for equality is supposed to be won.

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