#MyStory is NOT About My Marital Status

When I say, “I don’t know if I exactly want to have kids or get married,” as a woman, people will look at me and tell me, “how can you ever say such a thing!” Even now, as I sit here on the other side of the world taking care of kids as a part of my education career, people will tell me, “that’s so ironic.”

When I say such things, I don’t mean it in a sense of “I hate kids and marriage is stupid”, it’s just that I have ambitions that rely outside of marriage and kids. I may or may not get married and have kids.

I loved this article, because it summed up exactly that.

“Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important.” –Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

I am female. I am Black. I am southern. I am 37-years-old. I am a Ph.D. in a male-dominated field. I am unmarried. I am childless.

When I earned my Ph.D. my grandmother remarked, “I am so proud of you. A Ph.D.! Now when you get married I will be really proud.”

I was deflated. Instead of brooding, I pondered the life-lessons we teach girls when we tell them, implicitly or explicitly, that their ultimate goal in life, nay their sole purpose, is to get married and procreate.

In the 21st century, when our mothers have more formal education than our grandmothers, and we have more formal education, and better and more career opportunities than the women…

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